I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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