i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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