everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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