can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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