Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
