I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
