We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
