And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
