She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
