I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
