we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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