So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
