i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
