this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
being pregnant is like rehab
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
