After last night, I could never be a politician.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
