it wasn't lemon gatorade
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
