I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
