where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
