You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
