Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
