mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
