and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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