Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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