I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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