She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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