We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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