His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
