If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
