she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
