Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
we're so committed to being not committed
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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