your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
