just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
