i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You have to summon your inner elephant
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
