Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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