i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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