Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
