this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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