Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
