u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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