On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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