HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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