It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
