In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
