My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
