Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
