hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
