The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You pole danced in your parka.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
