my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
