I wanna bring you to show and tell
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
