I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
