I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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