I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
