The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
