i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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