we have pet lesbian snakes
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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